偶然結束

她覺得時間與事件是以多線進行﹐像腦中神經樹突或生物網那模樣﹐驟然離開的場景還會繼續下去﹐有一個她還會在那裡﹐把戲演完﹐給觀眾一個交待。因為每個線索都應該有一種解釋﹐每個場景都有它存在的原因﹐每個出現在場中的物件都象徵著什麼﹐一切都有所安排的世界沒有偶然。

她這樣想﹐不過那只是想。誰也看不見誰腦裡的世界﹐這才是麻煩的地方﹕她沒法解釋﹐她已經離開那場戲了。

她驚覺沒別人可以代替她。而沒有什麼是她必須要的。

就像你只能提著一箱行李離開﹐離開前你覺得什麼都需要﹐但其實 - 你什麼也不需要。像那些留在櫥櫃裡的衣服﹐那些留在其它房間的書﹐偶爾你會想起它們 - 但你並不需要它們。永遠有其它衣物﹐其它書﹐其它人...... 一張蜘蛛網破了﹐總能再織一張。而且它甚至沒破。

有什麼結局是絕對完整的。幾年來慢慢建立的回路﹐撒手而去﹐時間一到總是可以用得上。像條不遠處的高速公路﹐她只需要往那個方向去﹐就可以到其它地方。告示牌上寫著不同路標 - 西西里 四十五公里﹔柏林 七十公里﹔哥本哈根 一百六十公里﹔南極 四千五百六十公里。

When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris

This Old House

Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.

All the Beauty You Will Ever Need

it broke my heart to think of him marching across a muddy field with a bouquet in his hand.  He does these things that are somehow beyond faggy and seem better suited to some hardscrabble pioneer wife: making jam, say or sewing bedroom curtains out of burlap.  Once I caught him down at the riverbank, beating our dirty clothes against a rock.  This was before we got a washing machine, but still, he could have laundered things in the tub.  "Who are you?" I'd said, and, as he turned, I half expected to see a baby at his breast,

It's astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex - trying to determine what goes where and how often.  They can't imagine any system outside their own, and seem obsessed with the idea of roles, both in bed and out of it.  

Memento Mori

"He's our mascot," the store manager said.  "We couldn't possibly get rid of him."
In America athis translates to "Make me an offer," but in France they really mean it.  There are shops in Paris where nothing is for sale, no matter how hard you beg.  I think eople get lonely.  Their apartments become full, and, rather than rent a storage space, they take over a boutique.  Then they sit there in the middle of it, gloating over their fine taste. 

Town and Country

The man was foreign, but I have no idea where he was from.  One of those tragic countries, I supposed, a land beset by cobras and typhoons.  But that's half the world, really.

Old Faithful

I'd met my first boyfriend in a place called the Man Hole - not the sort of name that suggests fidelity.  It was like meeting somone at fisticuffs and then complaining when he turned out to be violent.

Most likely my father was having some problem at work and needed to remind himself that he was not completely worthless.  It sounds like something you'd read on a movie poster: sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to.  If you're really desperate, you might need to grope, saying, for example, "I've never killed anyone with a hammer" or "I've never stolen from anyone who didn't deserve it."

then I looked over at the elderly couple, thinking, See, we're talking witch burnings!  It's work, though, and it's always my work.  If I left it up to Hugh, we'd just sit there acting like what we are: two people so familiar with each other they could scream. 

碎片 fragment s

1
這應該要結束了。然而我要去哪﹖我不知道自己在這裡做什麼﹐(我的手有些奇怪...... isn't that how it started in nausea?)﹐面前那個人無比熟悉又無比陌生。這應該結束了。但它沒有結束。我不知道怎麼讓它結束。為什麼要結束。結束因為我不知道它為什麼開始。我不知道它要往哪裡去。不。其實只是這刻你希望它結束。四個小時以後你會感覺不同。或許。但只要開始就會繼續下去。不管是繼續結束還是繼續開始。

2
一切都只剩下符號。過去傳來的回音。沒有什麼是新的... 所有線索都歸類在過去。not a new language, not a new character, no new setting, nothing. 如果是新的它會更觸動你還是更不觸動你﹖一向以來你看著他覺得奇異。其實他是透明的。你開始擁抱因為他已出現﹐像出現在臺上的演員﹐你說出臺詞像此刻臺詞從你指上自動出現。其他只是身體過份寂寞。

3
不我們沒有辦法繼續下去。我想不到這種可能。我確定我想過﹐曾經的字裡行間。但那過去了。我不知道為什麼我哭﹐我沒有辦法解釋。如 Damasio 說情感來在理智前。心碎的機制如何產生。或許我難過。但我不想解釋。理智不願處理。它說﹕此部門恕不受理。

4
那是愛嗎。It's children' game. It's a nostalgic replay.  What does it mean?  It doesn't mean anything.  It's a messy script which scenes don't even go together.  Like a retro commercial that gives you tender feelings yet ridiculous in its own term.  It has no authenticity.  復古的價值在於它不再存在。在於中間那些過去的時間。與它本身脫節。在復古身上人們要找到的是曾經的自己。

5
伸出手 - 那片雲霧 - 你將無法致信它不曾存在的程度。