When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris

This Old House

Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.

All the Beauty You Will Ever Need

it broke my heart to think of him marching across a muddy field with a bouquet in his hand.  He does these things that are somehow beyond faggy and seem better suited to some hardscrabble pioneer wife: making jam, say or sewing bedroom curtains out of burlap.  Once I caught him down at the riverbank, beating our dirty clothes against a rock.  This was before we got a washing machine, but still, he could have laundered things in the tub.  "Who are you?" I'd said, and, as he turned, I half expected to see a baby at his breast,

It's astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex - trying to determine what goes where and how often.  They can't imagine any system outside their own, and seem obsessed with the idea of roles, both in bed and out of it.  

Memento Mori

"He's our mascot," the store manager said.  "We couldn't possibly get rid of him."
In America athis translates to "Make me an offer," but in France they really mean it.  There are shops in Paris where nothing is for sale, no matter how hard you beg.  I think eople get lonely.  Their apartments become full, and, rather than rent a storage space, they take over a boutique.  Then they sit there in the middle of it, gloating over their fine taste. 

Town and Country

The man was foreign, but I have no idea where he was from.  One of those tragic countries, I supposed, a land beset by cobras and typhoons.  But that's half the world, really.

Old Faithful

I'd met my first boyfriend in a place called the Man Hole - not the sort of name that suggests fidelity.  It was like meeting somone at fisticuffs and then complaining when he turned out to be violent.

Most likely my father was having some problem at work and needed to remind himself that he was not completely worthless.  It sounds like something you'd read on a movie poster: sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to.  If you're really desperate, you might need to grope, saying, for example, "I've never killed anyone with a hammer" or "I've never stolen from anyone who didn't deserve it."

then I looked over at the elderly couple, thinking, See, we're talking witch burnings!  It's work, though, and it's always my work.  If I left it up to Hugh, we'd just sit there acting like what we are: two people so familiar with each other they could scream.