《海邊的卡夫卡》村上春樹

...... 被歧視是怎麼回事，那是多麼地深深傷害人，只有受過歧視的人才能了解。疼痛是各自的事情，事後會留下各自的傷口。所以在要求公平或公正的這一點上，我想我也不落後任何人。只是，令我厭煩的是，那些缺乏想像力的人。就像 TS 艾略特說的《空心人》哪樣。那缺乏想像力的部份，空虛的部份，明明只是以無感覺的稻草塞滿而已，自己卻沒有發覺，還在外面招搖的人。而且把那無感覺，以空虛的語言排列出來，還要勉強推銷給別人的人。...... 不管是男同性戀，是女同性戀，是女性主義者，是法西斯的豬，是共產黨，是 Hare Krishna，是什麼都可以，這種事情都無所謂。不管你想舉什麼旗幟，我都完全不介意。我最無法忍受的是這種空洞的傢伙。當我面對這些人事後，我就會變得無法忍受。... 終究，殺死佐伯小姐青梅竹馬的戀人的，也是這些傢伙。缺乏想像力、氣量狹小、不寬容。獨斷獨行的命題、空洞的用語、被篡奪的理想、僵硬的組織。對我來說真正可怕的就是這些東西。我打心裡畏懼憎恨這些東西。什麼是正確的什麼是不正確的 － 當然這也是非常重要的問題。但是這種個別判斷的過失，很多情況，並不是事後不能更正的。只要有勇氣主動認錯，大多的情況是可以挽救的。可是缺乏想像力的小氣狹量和不寬容則像寄生蟲一樣。只會換一個宿主，改變個形式，到哪裡都會繼續下去。這就沒救了。

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很多事情都不能怪你。不能怪我。也不是因為預言，不是因為詛咒。不是因為 DNA，不是因為安排得不好。不是因為結構主義，不是因為第三次工業革命。我們全都會消滅、會喪失，是因為世界的組織結構本身就是成立於會消滅會喪失之上的。我們的存在只不過是像那原理的剪影畫般的東西而已。風在吹著。有強烈狂暴的風，有輕微舒服的風。不過一切的風終究都會過去、會消失而去。風不是物體。那只是空氣移動的總稱而已。你仔細聽。你會理解那隱喻。

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我到現在為止人生已經持續磨損很多了。自己一直在磨損下去。在應該停止活下去的時候，沒有停止。明明知道是沒有意義的事情，卻不知道為什麼無法停止。結果，只為了度過時間，而繼續做著沒道理的事情。就這樣傷害著自己，又因為傷害自己而傷害到別人。所以我現在正受到這個報應。或者也可以說是受到詛咒。我有一段時期曾經獲得太完美的東西。所以後來只好一直藐視自己。這就是我的詛咒。只要還活著我就無法逃出那詛咒。所以我並不怕死。而且如果要回答你的問題的話，那個時刻我大概知道。

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“我可以問你一個問題嗎”
“什麼事情？”
“你是在哪裡找到那兩組和弦的？”
“兩組和弦？”
“《海邊的卡夫卡》的過門和弦。”
她看著我的臉。“你喜歡那和弦？”
我點點頭。
“那兩組和弦，我是在非常遠的古老房間裡找到的。當時那房間的門是開著的。”她安靜地說。“在非常非常遙遠的房間。”
然後佐伯小姐閉上眼睛回到記憶裡去。

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因為每個人都藉著戀愛，在尋找自己所缺失的一部分。所以一想到正在愛戀的對方時，就算有多少之分，心情總是會變得悲哀起來。好像一腳踏進了很久以前失去了、但還懷念著的房間似的心情。這是當然的。

－ 在遙遠的地方令人懷念的古老房間？

沒錯。

心技

每年九月總會沒頂的憂鬱沒有來，不過還有一日，又說不定只是遲到了也不一定。今年比以前都冷得多，像跳過一般的九月直接到更冷的月份似的，用骨頭肌肉都會發不出力氣的冷法把整個城市灑濕吹冷。

在這樣的日子裡讀書，突然學會了一種技術。當然不是心學會的，更像是一種想法，一種可能的腦迴路，便利的出現了。

那些可怕的想法還是來找我，但只是一瞬間，像是別人的事情一樣，把那風暴拿在手裡端詳，風暴變大的時候，就站遠點看著它。

巨大突然的愛啊恨啊，原來都可以這樣隔開的。像別人的事一樣。

這麼想的時候心情平靜下來，腦子也順利的轉動。值得一再練習。

這種練習是很有用的，還能清楚記得坐在公車上離去的那些時候，公車外適才還毫無空隙擁抱在一起的對象，突然就已經是陌生人了。這也是需要練習的。

以為學會了就不會忘記的這些技術，頭腦的認知還記得，但習慣已經沒有了。

這些日子來太累了。終究是生疏才生出的種種煩惱，放心，或有所求，或感情豐富。

其實還是什麼也沒有。這些糊裡糊塗活著的人。

只要他們是陌生人。自己的感情是陌生的感情。我以外的。

對世上的事情，還是該有些距離。

《After Leaving Mr Mackenzie》Jean Rhys

It was the darkness that got you.  It was heavy darkness, greasy and compelling.  It madewalls round you, and shut you in so that you felt you could not breathe.  You wanted to beat at the darkness and shriek to be let out.  And after a while you got used to it.  Of course.  And then you stopped believing that there was anything else anywhere.  

She wanted to attract and charm him.  She still realized that it might be extremely important that she should attract and charm him.  But she was unable to resist the dream-like feeling that had fallen upon her which made what he was saying seem unreal and rather ludicrously unimportant. 

《Everybody Into the Pool》Beth Lisick

Only when I walked into the store, and it turned out that the guy bragging about his Glock and his Uzi would be my next door neighbour did I get a little worried.  But then he clarified to all of us standing in line that he only used his weapons on haters who fucked with his shit.

《Birds of America》Lorrie Moore

Dance in America

"The thing to remember about love affairs," says Simone, "is that they are all like having raccoons in your chimney... And once we tried to smoke them out.  We lit a fire, knowing they were there, but we hoped that the smoke would cause them to scurry out the top and never come back.  Instead, they caught on fire and came crashing down into our living room, all charred and in flames and running madly around until they dropped dead."  Simone swallows some wine. "Love affairs are like that," she says. "They are all like that."

Community Life

He's been trying to look pleasant, but now he winced a little. "Oh, I see," he said. "Miss High-Minded.  You whose father made his living off furs.  Furs!"  He took two steps toward her, then turned and paced back again.  "I can't believe I'm living with someone who grew up on the proceeds of tortured animals!"

She was quiet.  This lunge at moral fastidiousness was something she'd noticed a lot in the people around here.  They were not good people.  They were not kind.  They played around and lied to their spouses.  But they recycled their newspapers!

Real Estate

They'd been married for twenty-three years.  Marriage, she felt, was a fine arrangement generally, except that one never got it generally.  One got it very, very specifically.

Terrific Mother

He was a practical man.  He often referred to the annual departmental cocktail party as "Standing Around Getting Paid."

"You don't understand," she said.  "Normal life is no longer possible for me.  I've stepped off all the normal paths and am living in the bushes.  I'm a bush woman now.  I don't feel like I can have the normal things.  Marriage is a normal thing.  You need the normal courtship, the normal proposal." She couldn't think what else.  Water burned her eyes.  She waved a hand dismissively, and it passed through her field of vision like something murderous and huge.

"Normal courtship, normal proposal," Martin said.  He took off his shirt and pants and shoes.  He lay on the bed in just his socks and underwear and pressed the length of his body against her.  "I'm going to marry you, whether you like it or not."  He took her face into his hands and looked longingly at her mouth.  "I'm going to marry you till you puke."

因為不知道要放在哪裡

Beth Lisick's Indie girlfriend decisive moment.

《人造衛星情人》村上春樹

一切的事物，或許在某個遙遠地方已經預先注定會悄悄喪失了，我想。至少以一個互相重疊的身影，他們擁有將要失去的安靜地方。我們只是一面活著，一面像把一條條細繩子拉近那樣，一一發現這些吻合而已。我閉上眼睛，試圖盡量再多想起一些在那裡的美好東西的樣子。試圖把那留在我手中。就算那只是保有短暫生命的東西也好。

每個人各自擁有某個特定年代才能得到的特別的東西。那就像是些微的火焰般的東西。小心謹慎的幸運者會珍惜地保存，將那培養大，可以當做火把般照亮著活下去。不過一旦失去以後，那火焰卻永遠也回不來了。