Eating the Dinosaur - Chuck Klosterman

Errol Morris

Modern forms of lie detection - methods that go beyond that polygraph.  The writer's idea was that we can actually record activity inside the brain that proves who is or who isn't lying.  It suggests that the brain is some kind of 'reality recorder' and that we know when we are lying.  But I think those kinds of lies represent a very small piece of the pie.  I think the larger sect of liars are people who think they are telling the truth, but who really have no idea what the truth is.  So the deeper question is, what's more important: narrative consistency or truth?  I think we are always trying to create a consistent narrative for ourselves.  I think truth always akes a backseat to narrative.  Truth has to sit at the back of the bus. 

Most lying is just an accepted part of the world... if you don't want to know something, can you not know it?  Can you convince yourself that you don't know it?  Can you actually not know it, in some real sense?  Can you form a barrier to knowing things? 

I'm a great believer in self-deception.  If you asked me what makes the world go round, I would say self-deception.  Self-deception allows us to create a consistent narrative for ourselves that we actually believe.  I'm not saying that the truth doesn't matter.  It does.  But self-deception is how we survive. 

31
But it wasn't just a nice car, it was a Lexus.  A Lexus.  That's a specific kind of nice car.  Everyone knows what owning a Lexus means.  To Cobain, a lavender limousine would have been preferable to a Lexus, because at least that would have been gratuitous and silly.  The limousine is awake of its excess; a Lexus is at easy with it.  A Lexus is a car for a serious rich person.  There are no ironic Lexus drivers, or even post-ironic Lexus drivers. 

45
Although I'm not sure which one it's unfair to.  I feel sorry for both of them.  I can see it both ways.  That's my problem.

145
Football allows the intellectual part of my brain to evolve, but it allows the emotional part to remain unchanged.  It has a liberal cerebellum and a reactionary heart.  And this is all I want from everything, all the time, always. 

163
It will always seem stupid, because canned laughter represents the worst qualities of insecure people... Insecurity is part of being alive.  But it's never less complicated than this.  It's never less complicated than a machine that tries to make you feel like you're already enjoying something, simply because people you'll never meet were convinced to laugh at something else entirely.

Lumiere

到的那天﹐那個城市下起大雪。她看著窗外﹐沒有說話。像是接受了理解了一切。其實還是一種唐突。日後再也不會有的﹐她不知道再來是什麼。窗外是那個無數電影使用的背景﹐她像站在一個背景裡演出﹐她從未拿到劇本﹐但所有人都認為她讀熟了。

都可以。沒問題。她木木地和自己說。心像驚弓之鳥似地撲翅﹐誰會發現嗎﹖她像偷了一個角色﹐她不屬於這裡﹐但她在這裡﹐而且這裡要屬於她﹐她甚至不能決定。

雪在光裡飄在街上。一個全色的黑夜﹐對面的是千篇一律、標準的、無數的窗﹐千篇一律﹐她忘了有沒有燈光。這是一個沒有人的場景﹐只有她﹐觀眾全在等她﹐她的對手在等她作戲﹐等她說話。他有一切的把握和臺詞﹐她不用回頭也感到那毫不在乎的神氣。一片雪花毫無規律的飄.... 高高... 下下...... 離開了視線。或許她知道要來的是什麼﹐或許她感覺到了 - 即將發生的剝離﹐一點點賠出去﹐直到一切鋪平﹐無所謂 - 但戲即將開場﹐她深呼吸﹐走進另一間房。第一幕。

《瘟疫》卡謬

52
當一場戰爭爆發時﹐人們都說﹕「這太愚蠢了﹐而且它也不會長久。」可是﹐一場戰爭可能「太愚蠢」﹐但這並不就能防止它的持續。愚蠢自有其大行其道的訣竅﹔如果我們能夠不太只顧自己的話﹐我們便能看出這一點。

59
格蘭充份流露著一個當地政府小僱員的外表特徵與定型姿態。他又高又瘦﹐看起來好像在他那身基於以為可以穿得久一點的幻想﹐而時常故意選大一號的衣服中失蹤了。.... 他具有微不足道的一切屬性。你只能想像他彎在一張辦公桌上﹐專心一志地修訂室內浴室的價目表﹐或者替某一位低級秘書整理關於垃圾清潔稅的報告資料﹔如果你要另作其他想像﹐實在相當費力。甚至在你知道他的職位以前﹐你也會有一種感覺 - 他只是為了執行每天薪水僅有六十二法郎三十生丁的臨時市政助理僱員那些奉命惟謹但又有其必要的工作而來到這個世界。

82
連續幾個星期中﹐我們無可奈何地把同樣的一封信一再從頭寫過﹐重提著那些零碎消息與個人願望﹔結果﹐經過一段時間以後﹐那些似乎曾經攙和著我們心血的活潑言詞﹐都涸竭了原有的意義。從這以後﹐我們只是機械性地重複抄寫它們﹐試圖透過這些死了的語辭﹐來對這場受罪考驗略微表達出一點概念。臨到末了﹐和這些毫無意思的重複獨白與徒然的面壁自語比較起來﹐就連電報那樣的平板公式﹐也變得聊勝一籌了。

146
世界上所有的惡﹐永遠都來自無知﹐而善意﹐加入缺乏理解的話﹐也會跟惡意一樣﹐造成同樣嚴重的損害。就整個而言﹐人是善多於惡的﹔但是﹐這不是真正的要點。他們多多少少有點無知﹐而這才是我們所謂的惡德或美德﹔最難矯正的惡德﹐就是那種自以為無所不知﹐因而自命具有生殺之權的無知。謀殺者的靈魂是盲目的﹔假若沒有最高度的「明辨」﹐就不可能有真正的善與愛。

179
「人正『是』一個觀念﹐一個寶貴的微小觀念﹐一旦他背棄了愛。並且我的看法﹔我們 - 人類 - 已經失去了愛的能力。醫生﹐我們必須面對這個事實。我們要耐心地等待﹐以求獲得那種能力﹐假若那真是我們力所不及的東西。讓我們等待各人遲早會來的那種拯救﹐而用不著扮演英雄角色。就我個人而言﹐我不向更遠的地方看。」

 李爾站了起來﹐突然間﹐他顯得異常疲倦。

「你是對的﹐十分的對﹐我決不為了世界上任何東西而試圖說服你不做你所要做的事﹔我認為它絕對正確而適當。但是﹐有一件事我必須告訴你﹔在這一切當中﹐決無英雄主義可言。這只是一種普通的禮儀。這個觀念可能會使某些人發笑﹐然而唯一能夠反擊一場瘟疫的武器﹐就就只有 - 普通禮儀。 我不知道別人認為它是什麼意思。就我而言﹐它就存乎做我的本份工作。」

196
既無回憶﹐又無希望﹐他們只為此時而活著。一點不錯﹐「此時」與「此地」代表了一切。無可否認﹐瘟疫不僅殺死了我們大家心裡的愛意﹐甚至消滅了友情。這是很自然的﹐因為「愛」要求某種未來的東西﹐而我們除了一連串的「此刻」之外﹐一無所有。

Good Morning, Midnight - Jean Rhys

55
If someone had come to me and asked me if I wished to be born I think I should have answered No.  I'm sure I should have answered No.  But no one asked me.  I am here not throught my will.  Most things that happen to me - they are not my will either.  And so that's what I say to myself all the time: "You didn't ask to be born, you didn't make the world as it is, you didn't make yourself as you are.  Why torment yourself?  Why not take life just as it comes?  You have the right to; you are not on of the guilty ones. 

64
Well, what harm can he do to me?  He is out for money and I haven't got any.  I am invulnerable.

68
Yes, I'll have the sheets changed.  I'll lie in bed all day, pull the curtains and shut the damned world out. ...  There was a monsieur, but the monsieur has gone.  There was more than one monsieur, but they have all gone.  What an assortment!  One of every kind...

75
At this moment a taxi draws up.  Without a word he gets into it, bangs the door and drives off, leaving me standing there on the pavement.

And did I mind?  Not at all, not at all.  If you think I minded then you've never lived like that, plunged in a dream, when all the faces are masks and only the trees are alive and you can almost see the strings that are pulling the puppets.  Close-up of human nature - isn't it worth something?

88
But this is my attitude to life.  Please, please, monsieur et madame, mister, missis and miss, I am trying so hard to be like you.  I know I don't succeed, but look how hard I try.  Three hours to choose a hat; every morning an hour and a half trying to make myself look like everybody else.  Every word I say has chains round its ankles; every thought I think is weighted with heavy weights.

108
But it wasn't all that that mattered.  It wasn't that he knew so exactly when to be cruel, so exactly how to be kind.  ... He had gone out to buy something to eat.  I was behind the curtain and I saw him in the street below, standing by a lamp-post, looking up at our window, looking for me.  He seemed very thin and small and I saw the expression on his face quite plainly.  Anxious, he was... When I saw him looking up like that I knew that I loved him, and that it was for always.  It was as if my heart turned over, and I knew that it was for always.  It's a strange feeling - when you know quite certainly in yourself that something is for always.  It's like what death must be. 

Hollywood - Charles Bukowski

9
"We have just landed upon the outpost of death.  My soul is puking."
"Will you stop worrying about your soul?"

10
It opened to this tall slim delicate type, you smelled artistry all over him.  You could see he had been born to Create, to Create grand things, totally unhindered, never bothered by such petty things as toothache, self-doubt, lousy luck.  He was one of those who looked like a genius.  I looked like a dishwasher so these types always pissed me just a bit.

23
"I probably would have lost anyhow.  A gambler without an excuse is a gambler who can't continue."

26
I looked in the mirror.  I liked myself but I didn't like myself in the mirror.  I didn't look like that.  I finished my drink.

39

LUKE
Isn't there another part of you somewhere?

YOUNG MAN
Well, shit.  I was in the 6th grade, I think.  The teacher asked us to write something about our most moving experience.  And I don't mean like moving to Denver.

Anyhow, I wrote about this frog I found in the garden.  He had one of his legs caught in a wire fence.  He couldn't get away.  I got his leg out of the wire fence but he still wouldn't move.

So I held him in my lap and talked to him.  I told him that I was trapped, that my life was caught in something too.  I talked to him for a long tmie.  At last he hopped out of my lp and hopped across the lawn and vanished into some brush.  And I said to myself that he was the first things that I had ever missed in my life.

The teacher read it to the class.  Everybody cried.  Well, I thought that some day I might be a writer.

120
"I want a castle, I want 6 children and a big fat wife.  So when I lose at gambling somebody will take to me.  Now when I lose at gambling nobody talks to me."
I wanted to suggest that when he lost at gambling maybe a fat wife and 6 chlidren might not talk to him either.  But I didn't.  Francois was suffering enough. 

165
Sarah found people to talk to.  She was lucky.  Every time somebody spoke to me I felt like diving out a window or taking the elevator down.  People just weren't interesting.  Maybe they weren't supposed to be.  But animals, birds, even insects were.  I couldn't understand it.

232
Maybe they were waiting for me to get drunk and insane and abusive like I sometimes did at parties.  But I doubted that.  They were just dull inside.  there was nothing for them to do bus stay within the self that was not quite there.  That wasn't too painful.  It was a soft place to be. 

Adoptation - Charlie Kaufman

「或是我可以去學俄語或什麼﹐或是一種樂器。我可以說中文。我可以成為一個說中文吹黑管的劇作家。那會很酷。我應該剪短頭髮。別再誤導自己和身邊所有人認為我有滿頭秀髮。多可悲。真實點。自信。難道女人不就是被這個吸引嗎﹖男子以才為貌。才怪。尤其不是現在。男人身上的壓力幾乎和女人一樣重。為什麼有人讓我覺得我應該為我的存在感到歉意﹖或許不過是腦裡的化學作用。或許我的問題就出在那裡。不好的化學。我所有的問題和焦慮都不過是化學不平衡或是突觸的某些錯誤傳導。我需要尋求幫助。但我還是很醜。什麼也改變不了這個事實。」

《蘭花賊》

What if I learned Russian or something, or took up an instrument. I could speak Chinese. I’d be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that. Just be real. Confident. Isn’t that what women are attracted to? Men don’t have to be attractive. But that’s not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it’s my brain chemistry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I’ll still be ugly though. Nothing’s going to change that.