Midnight All Day - Hanif Kureishi

That Was Then

We are unerring in our choice of lovers, particularly when we require the wrong person.  There is an instinct, magnet or aerial which seeks the unsuitable.  The wrong person is, of course, right for something - to punish, bully or humiliate us, let us down, leave us for dead, or, worst of all, give us the impression that they are not inappropriate, but almost right, thus hanging us in love's limbo.  Not just anyone can do this. 

A Meeting, At Last

Eric said, "My children are going to be pretty angry with you when they find out what you've done to us."        

 "Yes," said Morgan. "Who could blame them?"

 "They're big and expensive. They eat like horses."

 "Christ."

Morgan thought he had been afraid of happiness, and kept it away; he had been afraid of other people, and had kept them away.  He was still afraid, but it was too late for that.

"What?" said Eric.

"I've decided," said Morgan.  "The answer is yes.  Yes to everything!  Now you must get out." He stopped the car.  "Out, I said!"

The Umbrella

He had always been proud of the idea that he was a good man who treated people fairly.  He did not want to impose himself.  The world would be a better place if people considered their actions.  Perhaps he had put himself on a pedestal.  "You have a high reputation - with yourself!"  a friend had said.  Everyone was entitled to some pride and vanity.  However, this whole business with his wife had stripped hi of his moral certainities.  There was no just or objective way to resolve competing claims: those of freedom - his freedom - to have his dependable presence.  but no amount of conscience or morality would make him go back.  He had not missed his wife for a moment.

"No.  No umbrella," she said.

He said, "There were three there last week."

"Maybe there were."

"Are there not still three umbrellas there?"

"Maybe there are," she said.

"Give me one."

"No."

"Sorry?"

"I'm not giving you one, " She said.  "If there were a thousand umbrellas there I would not give you one."

《夜車》 Night Train - Martin Amis

但人們的一些行為往往是在沒人知道的情況下發聲的。人們殺人﹐埋葬﹐離婚﹐結婚﹐變性﹐發瘋﹐生小孩...... 全都沒人知道。人們神不知鬼不覺地在廁所生下了三胞胎。

The Fall - Camus

I know of others who have appearance on their side and are no more faithful or sincere.  I knew a man who gave twenty years of his life to a scatterbrained woman, sacrificing everything to her, his friendships, his work, the very respectability of his life, and who one evening recognized that he had never loved her.  He had been bored, that's all, bored like most people.  Hence he had made himself out of whole cloth a life full of complication and drama.  Something must happen - and that explains most human commitments.  Something must happen, even loveless slavery, even war or death.  

Without desire, women bored me beyond all expectation, and obviously I bored them too.  No more gambling and no more theater - I was probably in the realm of truth.  But truth, cher ami, is a colossal bore.  

There are always reasons for murdering a man.  On the contrary, it is impossible to justify his living.  That's why crime always finds lawyers, and innocence only rarely.  

A person I knew used to divide human beings into three categories: those who prefer having nothing to hide rather than being obliged to lie, those who prefer lying to having nothing to hide, and finally  those who like both lying and the hidden... But what do I care?  Don't lies eventually lead to the truth?  And don't all my stories, truth or false, tend toward the same conclusion?  Don't they all have the same meaning?  So what does it matter whether they are true or false if, in both cases, they are significant of what I have been and of what I am?  Sometimes it is easier to see clearly into the liar than into the man who tells the truth.  Truth, like light, blinds.  Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object. 

勘誤表 Errata: an Examined Life - George Steiner

無論是情感、智識及專業各方面﹐我都不信任理論。只要我能力所及﹐在科學﹐或是某種程度內的應用科學裡﹐我能夠把意義和理論概念相結合。理論可以從數學或邏輯驗證中成立﹐而它們要求的是關鍵的實驗以驗證其真偽﹐如果實驗結果不符﹐理論就會被取代。但在人文學科、歷史研究及社會研究或是品評文學及藝術﹐要從「理論」著手﹐我覺得是虛偽不實的。人文學科既不須實驗﹐也無法驗證(除非是就物質的﹐紀實的層次來談)。我們對人文學科的翻譯是直覺的敘事。在語意無拘無束的活力中﹐在意義的長流裡﹐在詮釋不受限制的交互作用裡﹐唯一的命題是個人選擇、品味、回 音的相近或聽而不聞。...... 我認為當前理論在文學、歷史、社會學等論述的勝利﹐其實是自我欺騙﹔無非是因為科學站上風﹐人文學科為了背水一戰而發展出來的。

法文即使是以抒情的形式呈現﹐也是一種公共媒介(法文裡並沒有確切指示「隱私」的辭彙)。法文強調雄辯滔滔﹐到了走火入魔的地步。即使是和情色相關的文字﹐也隨處可見冠冕堂皇的修辭和華麗用典的辭藻﹔法文中的死亡也可能喋喋不休。

羅馬劇作家說﹕「只要是人性的﹐於我都無甚陌生」(Nihil alienum)。或者換一種方式說﹕有時候﹐其他人的出現哪裡比得上我自己更令自己感到陌生﹖

我相信﹐從生理局限的解放出來﹐從我們自身死亡以及個人和集體失望的外在永恆毫無出口的牆垣解放﹐靠的無非是語言。就生物社會的角色而言﹐我們確實是短命的哺乳動物﹐和其他動物一樣會絕跡。但是我們是語言動物﹐這一點天賦異秉非常重要﹐使我們短暫生命變得能夠忍受且有意義。人類言說的演化 -也許來得遲 -假設句﹐祈使句﹐反事實的條件句﹐及動詞的未來時態(並非所有語言都有時態)﹐已定義並保障了我們的人性。正是因為我們能夠述說有關十億年後的宇宙故事﹐無論是虛構的或是數字 - 宇宙論的﹐因為我們能夠﹐如前所述﹐討論、概念化自己火化之後的星期一早晨﹐因為「如果」的句子能夠隨意地去否定﹐重建﹐改變過去、現在、和未來﹐以另一種可能勾勒實際現實的決定因素﹐所以存在始終值得體驗。文法就是希望。

臨時愛情 - 哈金

那天夜裡祖明堅持要做愛﹐麗娜也願意。完事後﹐丈夫睡了過去﹐而她卻好幾個小時都睡不著﹐聽著他打呼嚕。雖然聲音不大﹐但像隻破風扇。

創世紀

應該要從另外一個世紀醒來，睜開眼，一切還是一樣。應該要跨過什麼，但跨不過去。像在諾亞方舟上說了不好笑的笑話，被扔到海裡的恐龍還是長毛象；洪水來不能沖走你，地球爆炸沒把你散成分子，要靠自己創世紀。

這不是你一直在做的事情嗎？但你寫不出來，渾身乏力。

你想移動，不知往哪裡去。你知道這無需想像力，而是動力。你對醒來見到的狀況不甘心。你需要的不是一場睡眠，是一場昏迷。早晨的地鐵裡迎面走來你的鬼魂，整裝待發、毫無血色；抹著一臉毒粉，一年吃掉一條鉛。

到最後他們都是你的敵人，站在你的相對面。你說不出謊言，誠實又不仁慈。不是你不想走，是你不知走到哪裡去。繞了這麼多次又似乎回到原點，消磨志氣。

從高處摔落的幻覺不停來喚你：想閉上眼睛，揮不去清醒。

一個夜行性動物的自白

走到路上去，夜裡。一一和他們說話。那是你最適合的角色...... 一個鬼魂。夜裡的那些城市。你走過。你熟悉的。黃色的照在地上的燈，洗刷過石板路發光的雨。其它的遊魂。橋墩。兩邊的聖人。山上一個發亮的城堡。無人的櫥窗前。 

喔。說了什麼並不重要。交換過什麼並不重要。因為夜包裹著你們－ 它永遠不會結束。親愛的。它永遠不會結束。

明日世界

這一年，要用什麼作為單位衡量？新的城市，走過的路，拍下的照片，遇見的人。那些新嚐的美食，讀的書、寫的字、看的電影、課程、人。產生了什麼新想法、或臉上還捉摸不清楚的細紋。產生了什麼新迴路、多相信什麼、多不相信什麼、對什麼開始毫無所謂，或是更輕易的裝作無所謂的模樣。

誰知道我是走前了還是往後退，總之是移動著。該習慣的四季和那些上上下下的興奮和絕望。我知道我什麼都不知道。理解自己是不可被理解的。掌握我什麼也掌握不到的事實。擁有誰也無法真正被誰擁有的真實。自信我再也不會對自己這樣自信，我不知道明天的我，明天的我可以在這裡知道我。

等我走到金光閃閃的對方，太陽將會把我深深灼傷。我將會相信謊言，我將會說謊；我將會吃驚，我將會讓人吃驚。還有更深的絕望和孤獨在等待我，我知道。那是我最大的勇氣和喜悅。

為什麼我的世界始終沒有變小 - Tony Wheeler

... 今天我們生活的這個星球看起來像是陷入了一個永無休止的怪圈：衝突，誤解還有悲傷和心碎。但與此同時旅行也一直在不斷地提醒我們：我們生存的這個世界是如此美好而這個美好的世界是屬於我們大家的。對於一些國家來說，旅遊業對他們的經濟十分重要，而對於無數旅行者來說，旅行則會給他們帶來巨大的滿足和喜悅。但更為重要的是旅行能夠以最積極的方式去幫助人與人相互結識，去讓我們認識到我們有著同樣的希望和渴求，去證明我們可以擁有一個更美好的世界。

不管經歷過多少陽光與風雨，也不管在這些年裡Lonely Planet 帶著我走過多少徬徨，對我而言，旅行一直都讓我充滿熱情，我也願意為之付出一切。塞給我一張機票，告訴我出發的方向，我馬上就可以動身上路。這些旅程不斷提醒我為什麼我的熱情始終未曾退卻，為什麼我的世界始終沒有變小，以及為什麼我的旅行癮似乎，令人幸福地，永遠也不能治癒。

Tony Wheeler

Lonely Planet 創始人

Lonely Planet China Blog

Women - Charles Bukowski

A young guy - at least 6 feet 6 inch tall - walked up to me. "Look, Chinaski, I don't believe all that shit about you living on skidrow and knowing all the dope dealers, pimps, whores, junkies, horse players, fighters and drunks...."

"it's partly true."

"Bullshit," he said and walked off. A literary critic.

Then this blonde, about 19, with rimless glasses and a smile walked up. The smile never left. "I want to fuck you," she said. "it's your face."

"What about my face?"

"It's magnificent. I want to destroy your face with my cunt."

"It might be the other way around."

"Don't bet on it."

"You're right. Cunts are indestructible."

I took my bottle and went to my bedroom.  I undressed down to my shorts and went to bed.  Nothing was ever in tune.  people just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Bach, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart.  People had to find things to do while waiting to die.  I guess it was nice to have a choice.
I took my choice.  I raised the fifth of vodka and drank it straight.  the russians knew something.