330 如果你所說屬實﹐那是因為我不喜歡接受訪問﹐接受訪問會帶給我兩個不安的感覺﹕其一是﹐用非個人的方式去陳述其某些處境﹐會讓人錯以為我以“思想家”自居。其二是﹐在訪問中我必須不斷用“我”來陳述意見﹐會讓人錯以為我是個自我主義者。
336 但我不會對博物館﹐名勝古蹟或文化遺產有什麼興趣﹐除了在荷蘭的時候去看繪畫。每當我到一個地方旅行﹐會吸引我注意的﹐大多事我在旅行過程中所接觸到的﹐有關當地人生活藝術上的一些現象﹐把自己投入一個簡單而不透明的世界(對觀光旅遊者而言﹐什麼都是簡單的)﹐比如說投入他們所使用而我自己一無所知的語言﹐我只聽他們的聲音﹐這是一種帶有快感享樂感覺的投入﹐由於你不懂他們的語言﹐那種享樂的感覺是很強烈的﹐這中間消除了粗俗﹐愚蠢以及侵犯。
345 這很有意思﹕革命對許多人來講會是一個宜人的意象﹐但是現實上是很可怕的。我們英國把革命停留在意象上面﹐我們只能在這意象上面發揮慾望並積極活動﹐把革命寄託在這上面﹐然而﹐僅僅只是這樣﹐問題還是變得很複雜......。一個革命成功的社會﹐我會稱之為“騙人的” (decevante)社會﹐在那裡謊言到處橫行﹐我們將因此而大吃苦頭。這樣的社會會是騙人的﹐那是因為國家的本質並沒變動.......。就我自己而言﹐與其說革命是煽動的﹐到不如說是顛覆的﹐顛覆(subversion)這個字比革命這個字眼明細多了﹐其意義是﹕從底下上來吧市區弄亂並使偏離正規﹐把事物帶往超乎人們預期的地方。
347 有機的廢料會展現其所包含之物質的通道﹐而人類的廢料會展現期和營養有關的通道。知識份子所展現的是一條歷史的通道﹐但其中所包含的卻是一堆廢料。他們會以消耗﹐衝動﹐慾望﹐同謀或是阻礙等形式來活動﹐這些形式在任何一個社會裡都可以看得到。樂觀主義的人會說知識份子是“證人" temoin﹐但我卻要說他們只是一些形跡 trace 而已。
386 愛情不是盲目的﹐剛好相反﹐愛情具有一種難以置信的解碼能力﹐這取決於戀愛者身上的偏執要素﹐你知道﹐戀愛者身上結合了精神官能症和精神病的要素﹕這是精神錯亂者和瘋子。他看得很清楚﹐只不過不管他是否盲目﹐結局都是一樣的。
因為他不知道要在哪裡也不知道如何停止解讀符號﹐他解讀的極好﹐只是不知道如何停在一個確定的符碼上面﹐他就像被囚在競技場一樣﹐永遠無法緩和自己的處境。
434 事實上﹐我始終無法悠哉過生活﹐甚至追求閒暇都做不到﹐除了和朋友交往﹐我的時間都投注在工作和陰暗的懶惰上面。
2008年8月31日 星期日
Le grain de la voix - Roland Barthe
2008年8月23日 星期六
Chinese Dream
你起來。離開一個多雨的城市。離開運河﹐屋頂﹐到另一個認識的地方。那裡陽光燦爛。中世紀的小街小巷﹐百年不變。你像是騎馬跨橋進城門﹐童話書裡才見得到的堡壘﹐小房子﹐積木一樣堆得整齊。這真好。但這也不是你的。這是一個整理好的地方﹐等你來看﹐然後離開。
是煙火﹐是槍聲。你在一個騙局裡﹐因為抬頭看不見面前的風景﹐看著腳尖走過每一個當下﹐與”那裡“的真正生活擦身而過。地上繁華漂亮﹐一隻灌滿風的風箏﹐鼓著臉飄浮在荒天荒地中間。
北京包羅萬象。我跟著人發著燒反復流汗吹冷氣。場景裡遇見所有你從沒想過會見到的人﹐說起來好聽﹐但真正想遇見的怎麼也碰不著。一個真人。至少你努力。今天在這裡﹐明天在那裡。使來的眼色﹐你一一微笑著接過﹔一個地址﹐你驅車就去。拿得起的杯子都乾。這真好。但這也不是你的。越向岸划水越覺得全身都脫了力氣。
2008年8月20日 星期三
Zizek - the reality of the virtual
creation is simply imbalance of the universe.
love is an violent act. love is not i like all universe. love is i pick out something, then i love it.
20 years ago we still debating about Communism and Capitalism, today we just simply accept it. utopia is not to imagine a perfect society, utopia is an inner most urgency that we create out of desperation.
when a dictator receive applause, he just accept it, but when stalin accept applause, he applause himself.
i think we should have enough of them making us guilty, making us pay the dues of previous generations. we have had enough of being the material for someone else's dreams, whether those of partisans or their victims. we have had enough of the vampires that live off of us making us guilty, that are making us pay someone else's dues. today we need, only one stake, a wooden stake, together with garlic, to kill and destroy all sorts of vampires.
Churchill's paradox: private property is the worst of all possible systems. the problem is, as experience shows, there is no other that could be better.
you cannot find a book of Derrida without 1. quotation mark 2. rhetorical differentiation "if butler were to be ask "what is this"she would never have said "this is a bottle of tea." she would say something like "if we accept the metaphysical notion of that language identifing clearly objects, taking all these into accounts, then may we not like, the hypothesis is that, in the condition of our language game, this can be said as a "bottle of tea."
even love. today nobody dares to say "i love you" but can only say "the poet says 'i love you'" so today we afraid that if we say "i love you" we believe in it. it would mean too much.
Lacan: I always tell the truth, not the whole truth, beacuase one can't to say everything is impossible there aren't enough words, it's this iimpossibility which brings truth close to the real.
the marxist father would say "you're going to see your grandmother"
but a post-modernist father would say "you're going to see your grandmother, but you don't have to go if you don't want to."
but the child knows that he not only mean "you have to go." but also "you have to like it."
Happy meal: i go there pretends to be happy so he can be happy - what the hell this game sucks.
2008年8月17日 星期日
Here and There
她有張愚蠢卻溫厚的臉﹐帶著恐慌混合驚訝的表情。從旁邊看來﹐她像是一條大蛇﹔若從前面看﹐就像是一隻黑色的甲蟲。她無趣且仔細地說著話﹐每個字後面都會打嗝。
宮廷顧問西蒙‧彼得洛維奇坐在桌前﹐胸前圍著一條餐巾﹐不耐煩地抖著﹐等著俄國煎餅送上來。好像是個將軍在檢視戰地一般﹐他的面前展現這樣的景致﹕餐桌的中間到前線所拉出來的士一長串細長的瓶子 - 三種不同品牌的伏特加酒﹐有基輔、寶宜爺、萊茵﹐甚至還有僧侶用的聖本篤會大肚瓶。在酒精的四週擠滿了巧妙排列著的鯡魚排、淋著熱醬汁的沙丁魚、酸奶、魚子醬(一磅要三盧布四十戈比)、新鮮的鮭魚等等。帕格奇金貪婪地巡視著食物﹐眼睛像奶油一般融化了﹐臉龐浮現著慾望。
皺起了眉頭﹐他轉向他的妻子。
“怎麼會這麼久呢﹖卡蒂亞!”他叫著廚子。“快點!”
終於﹐廚子端來了煎餅。冒著燙傷手指的危險﹐西蒙‧彼得洛維奇從一疊煎餅中抓起最燙的那兩三塊﹐津津有味地丟到自己的盤子裡。煎餅煎得鬆脆、多汁、肥厚﹐就好似商人女兒的肩膀。帕格奇金親切的笑著﹐愉快地打了個嗝﹐然後把煎餅放到熱奶油中。然後﹐好似要戲弄他的胃口﹐要弄得更奢華似地﹐他慢慢地﹐謹慎地在煎餅上堆了滿滿的魚子醬。魚子醬沒有覆蓋到的地方﹐他則是澆上了酸奶。現在剩下的就只是吃下去了﹐對吧﹖錯! 帕格奇金凝視著他的創作﹐並不感到滿意。他想了一下﹐在煎餅上放了一大塊他能找到的最油膩的鮭魚﹐然後是一塊鯡魚排、一條沙丁魚﹐然後﹐煎餅再也無法支撐了之後﹐他帶著愉快與渴望的顫抖﹐捲起兩塊煎餅﹐喝下一口伏特加﹐微喘地打開他的嘴巴 - 然後中風了。(關於不朽﹕一個狂歡節的故事﹐Chekhov)
問題是﹐我從來不覺得自己活在”這裡“﹐而是活在”那裡“。像一個在你眼前的島嶼﹐走過中間一層結凍的薄冰就能到。“這裡”有什麼呢﹖這裡有的都是偶然。
2008年8月14日 星期四
de Beauvoir: how wicked people can be
511 He says he could not do less, chiefly he could not eat and drink less than he did, because in the beginning Russians were a little diffident about him. Then, during a dinner, one of them said: "Since the beginning of the dinner, I watch this man: and now I know he is good man, because he eats and drinks sincerely." So he had to go on eating and drinking sincerely to make them sure he was a good man. Then they were so nice, so eager to show him everything, to please him, then he had to look at everything to please them. On the whole, he was very pleased with his trip.
533 I found my beautiful home all spoilt: the American old lady, on the flat above, had let open the water, which flooded everywhere - my walls were all wet. I sued her and should have get the money to pay all the works made, but do you know what the old witch did? Suddenly, opening the concierge door, she fell down and died! She managed that on purpose. Now I don't know if the heirs will repay me. I don't care too much. I just tell the story to show you how wicked people can be.
2008年8月13日 星期三
2008年8月11日 星期一
波羅的海上花
我想﹐這幾年裡我都沒好好看她﹐於是到現在還是覺得她穿了一件好萊塢化妝師給人扮老扮胖的衣裳。還想是不是誰來換了我的母親﹐讓我一夜間無法適應她的模樣。我記得的她從沒戴眼鏡﹐一雙眼睛牛大﹐穿一套大氣的褲裝﹐高跟鞋﹐一臉乾淨神氣的妝﹐坦然接受別人過來說“你媽媽真是太漂亮了。”然後當作是天底下最正常的事。
然後她向我走來﹐我知道是她﹐又覺得不是她﹐那是多久以前的事呢﹖原來十六年的模樣是這樣。
她在這裡﹐我還知道她要跟我說什麼話。還記得我在教會裡拉她衣袖問一個她無法正面回答的問題。至今仍未得到解答。那時我還不知道對自己說“有些事情就是那樣。”恐怕說了也無法接受這樣的解答。但現在可以。
這件事情就是那樣。母親無法解釋為什麼全能上帝要我們崇拜祂﹐上帝無法把十六年前的母親模樣倒帶歸還。那麼我們都接受吧。她還是一樣樂觀及鐵頭﹐不知哪個為因哪個為果﹐但我們都認得。
奇跡似地﹐我發現﹐愛這樣的她更容易。