《Love》Jeanette Winterson

I MISS God. I miss the company of someone loyal. I don't think of God as my betrayer. I miss God who was my friend. I don't know if God exists but I know that if God is your emotional role model, few human relationships will match up. I have an idea that it might be possible. I thought once it had become possible, and that glimpse of something has sent me wandering, trying to find the balance between earth and sky.

I can't settle. I want someone who is fierce and who will love me unto death and know that love is as strong as death and be on my side for ever and ever. I want someone who will destroy and be destroyed by me. There are many forms of love and affection; some people can spend their whole lives together without knowing each other's names. Naming is difficult and time-consuming; it concerns essences and it means power.

*

When we are in love we have the feeling of being understood. The feeling of things being simultaneously settled and disturbed. Hands and voices rummage through us.

*

The Powerbook

"You lost her?"
"Of course I did."
"Have you got over it?"
"It was a love affair, not an assault course."
"Love is an assault course."
"Some wounds never heal."
"I'm sorry."

She put out her hand. "I want to rescue you."
"From what?"
"From the past. From pain."
"The past is only a way of talking."
"Then from pain."
"I don't want a wipe-clean life."
"Don't be so prickly."
"I'm sorry."
"What do you want? Tell me."
"No compromises."
"That's impossible."
"Only the impossible is worth the effort."
"Are you a fanatic or an idealist?"
"Why do you need to label me?"
"I need to understand."
"No, you want to explain me to yourself. You are not sure, so you need a label. But I'm not a piece of furniture with the price on the back."
"This is a heavy way to get some sex."

*

She drank her coffee.  A couple walked by fighting about the dry-cleaning. You meet someone and you can't wait to get your clothes off. A year later and you're fighting about the dry-cleaning. The imperfections are built into the design.