《Based on a True Story》Norm MacDonald

 Oh, and that girl who was quietly sobbing on the elevator - I saw her again, but only once, and it was the damnedest thing. It was months later, and I entered the elevator and there she was. Except this time she wasn't alone. She was with the gregarious guy, the guy I'd seen console her months earlier, but now he wasn't consoling her, he was yelling at her and telling her she had no business looking through his drawers. Her head was bent down and she quietly wept."

25. In North Dakota this week, a hunter narrowly escaped death when a pocketknife in his breast pocket deflected a bullet shot by another hunter. Man, you know we have too many weapons in this country when people are getting shot in the knife.